Liking Yourself

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‘How would your life be different if you stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day you stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others. ‘

Steve Maraboli 

We all have a need for validation, a need to know that a job was well done, or that we are attractive, valued, wanted. However, some people have a particularly high need for such affirmation, validation. Do you?

We want to feel smart, successful, pretty and so on. And the validation makes us feel good for a while. But soon we need a new fix.

The problem with being dependent on validation from other people is that we let other people control how we feel. This creates a rollercoaster of emotion in our life.

A high need for validation originates in childhood, when a child does not get enough attention or does not feel valued. The child then grows up seeking that attention as an adult. People with a high need for validation pay an enormous social price

To find more emotional stability and to take control of how we feel we need to get our validation from to a more consistent source. Our self. You can replace the expectations and validation of others by setting our own expectations and by validating our self

Here are some ideas to help you fulfil your need for validation:

Learn to be there for yourself Rather than trying to get your needs met by others, make it clear that you approve of yourself. Have gentle, nurturing, approving conversations with yourself. See yourself for the wonderful being that you are.

Treat yourself well. In our fast-paced world, self-care is possibly the last thing on our mind. Yet, the less we take care of our self the more we will need validation and attention from others.

When feeling needy, take time to yourself. As easy as this may sound, it’s not a natural instinct. After all, the last thing a needy person wants is to be alone. However, private time, self talk and self care go a long way to helping you feel less needy.

Learn to see validation and approval all around you. It is often said that whatever we are trying to prove we can find the evidence for. If you look for evidence that you are important and loved, you will find it as easily as finding the evidence that you are not. There is a constant inflow of attention and love if you know how to look for it. Stop trying to covertly create validation and notice that you already have it.

“To seek approval is to have no resting place, no sanctuary. Like all judgment, approval encourages a constant striving. It makes us uncertain of who we are and of our true value. Approval cannot be trusted. It can be withdrawn at any time no matter what our track record has been. It is as nourishing of real growth as cotton candy. Yet many of us spend our lives pursuing it.” 

 Rachel Naomi Remen

 

 


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