“Accepting all the good and bad about someone. It’s a great thing to aspire to. The hard part is actually doing it.”
We are all naturally motivated to be in harmonious, positive relationships. Every relationship is an opportunity to give and receive warmth and love, to overcome separation and division, to experience connection and harmony. It is as if one is constantly saying to others: “I accept who you are.”
Without acceptance, various things tend to get in the way of harmonious relationship. There are our judgments of one another, our fears of one another, our tendency to hurt and exploit one another, and so on.
In our life we have relationships of different strengths. You may know many people, have many friends and contacts, with a aim to have ever more and ever stronger good relationships. With acceptance this is more likely.
People are attracted to us when we are willing to accept them. Having acceptance as our driving force is like being a magnet – others find a tendency to be nice, warm, forgiving and open-hearted practically irresistible. One automatically feels drawn to them.
The negative side to acceptance is constantly needing signs of acceptance from others – trying to please or impress or suck up to others – out of a fear of rejection. It manifests as people-pleasing, approval-seeking, flattering, and instantly agreeing with others’ opinions without thinking about one’s own opinions.
If you find yourself seeking approval, it may be time to exercise some firm, critical judgement as to who you are trying to please and why. Look to focus on speaking your own truth, it is about you saying your truth and giving them the opportunity to accept you anyway. In a sense, it is about you accepting that others have choice about whether or not they accept you.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”