Inner Self Reliance

“To find yourself, think for yourself.”

I must admit that for many years, I was a bit emotionally needy. I wanted someone else to make me happy, blamed others for my unhappiness, sought to fulfill my emotional needs through others.

Only in the past few years have I been becoming more emotionally self reliant. It has made my relationships better, and has greatly increased my happiness.

Are you looking for your romantic partner to make you happy? Do you complain a lot about other people? Get cross because of things they do?

Other people will come and go, or they will be emotionally unavailable for their own personal reasons. So instead of looking for happiness from someone else, we need to realise it is not out there. It is within us.

Learn to fix your own problems. If you are bored, fix it. If you are lonely or hurt, comfort yourself. If you are jealous, do not hope that someone will reassure you … reassure yourself.

Take responsibility. If you find yourself blaming others, tell yourself that the other person is never the problem. Of course, you can believe the other person is the problem, but then you are reliant on them for the solution. If you believe that they are not the problem, then you look inside yourself for the solution.

If you find yourself complaining, instead find a way to be grateful.

We can get to a place of wholeness, of self reliance and independence, and love others. Not because we want them to love us back, not because we want to be needed, but because loving them is an amazing thing to do.

“It is easier to live through someone else than to complete yourself. The freedom to lead and plan your own life is frightening if you have never faced it before. It is frightening when a person finally realizes that there is no answer to the question ‘who am I’ except the voice inside them.”
Betty Friedan


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